The Not So Perfect Gift

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...

The Newest In Alter Wear

????? - Deep Questions

1) How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2) Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?

3) Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

4) What disease did cured ham actually have?

5) How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Woman ALL OVER the World will identify with the following statement... A man - he works from sun to sun BUT a woman's work is NEVER done!
Where does ALL the laundry come from?... and the dishes... and the dust.... and the bookwork and the never ending to do list? HELP!

Coming to a Theatre/Household near You!!

Answers to All Your Important Questions

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It (this was my Dad's famous joke)

5. What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? About 2 weeks

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

14. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

Just for Fun

Just for fun - thanks to Holly

What I was doing 10 years ago?
Raising kids… and trying to avoid getting TOO involved in ministry – especially with women!! (sorry girls but it’s true)

Five Snacks I enjoy: (not in any kind of order!)
1. Cookies
2.Hickory Sticks & chocolate milk
3. Homemade french fries preferable cooked in peanut oil.
4. strawberries
5 Fruit & Nut chocolate bar

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Eliminate all our debt
2. set-up trust funds for our kids
3. pay off church mortgage
4. take our immediate family, our Mom’s, my siblings & their families on a trip
5. Set-up a RISK foundation

Five jobs that I have had:(most recent first)
1. secretary
2. housecleaner
3. private caregiver for handicapped individuals
4. children’s Pastor
5. night school teacher for adult education

Three of my habits:
1. soaking in the hot tub
2. Coffee…. Coffee…. Coffee…
3. dusting

Bad Habits...
1. Nail biter
2. avoiding laundry
3. avoiding book work

Five things not many people know about me:
1. I love to go fishing
2. When pregnant with Ryan I craved Kraft Dinner and Raw potatoes with tons of salt and pepper on each slice!!
3. As a little girl, I would reload bullets with my Dad.
4. I didn’t get my driver’s license till I was 27 yrs old
5. I’ve killed a bat by beating it with a broom

Unique Gift Ideas

"Bottom's Up... Here's to Look'in at You!"

Is this an Umbrella or a Bat? scroll down to see more gift ideas.

More... Unique Gift Ideas

These last two should be called "Suicide Steps"!! Not what I would recommend giving to anyone you consider a "friend".

Car Shopping?

Ryan and Kevin are car shopping today. Somehow, I don't think this is what Ryan will be looking for. I can picture Tammy P driving around in this baby "Look'in Mighty Fine"!!

Silly Signs

Amy in Spring Action

We have tons of sales people coming door to door in our area. A security system company came to our door last fall - you could hardly heard the sales ptich above barking dogs (Joey & Mickey)... Kevin just looked at the sales person and said "Does it sound like we need an Alarm? We've got two four legged alarms right here!!" Rednecks are alive and well in our subdivision.

Advice for Tammy!

Age Before Reservations

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said .. We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

Differences

My husband and I divorced over religious differences...

He thought he was God...

and I didn't!!

(okay girls, I'm obviously not referring to Kevin and I on this one - just thought it was cute and you would enjoy a chuckle)

Pressure At Work?

...And you think you've got it bad at your job!!