I’ve sat down several times to write this post but quit thinking I’ll wait till it’s from a more positive perspective. More than 24 hours later and having cried lots of tears; I’ve decided to just share anyhow.
First I’ll start on the positive note. I’ve just returned from spending several days with my sister. This is always fun and no matter the situation we can always find something to laugh about.
She just moved into her new home. It has the most AMAZING view. Her sunroom overlooks the backyard with a pond and an arched bridge. Beyond the pond and bridge are lots of trees. The house is situated in town but it feels like the country. It’s an old house but I love it…it really feels like home.
Kevin and I had delivered furniture on Wednesday and my plan was to return home the same day. But after arriving, seeing ALL the boxes, and assessing just how much work was ahead for one person on their own …the idea of “doing unto others”…....... I chose to stay.
I had only the clothes on my back, my contacts, and my purse. So I borrowed some stuff from Roxanne including clothing and a 14-year-old pair of eyeglasses (scary). I am about 30 lbs. heavier than my sister, so my apparel was very interesting!! Over all I was NOT a “sexy look’ in momma”. Fortunately no cameras were to be found!
Our hope was to have her kids’ rooms ready when they arrived. We worked till the wee hours of each morning accomplishing an unbelievable amount of stuff, more than we had hoped for. So overall I had a great time, got lots done and made some fun memories in Roxanne’s new home.
Here’s the hard part – I have so many questions. Why God? Why a house in the north – why not here near us? Why does she only get to put her kids to bed 1/2 of the time? Why does she miss out on 1/2 of her kids’ lives? How will all of this affect the children long term? Why do her and the children seem to be the ones paying such a high price for something not of their choosing? How much disgrace does all this bring to God's good name and that of the "church"? How does this affect those "searching" for something more?
The entire experience over the past 4 1/2 years has been more painful than anything I’ve ever walked through. My husband and children have been AMAZING. My sister has shown me what it means to “walk by faith”. Our leadership and church family have loved Roxanne and the children with open arms.
I have such a strong sense of justice in me. I will admit: while driving home I had to keep repenting for my thoughts of judgment towards – “you know whom”. From my perspective all of this is so unfair and lacks justice. “Why if I were God……” The most challenging part is facing what all of this has exposed about my heart, character and at times my response.
After “pondering” a lot of things in my heart, I am left with far more questions than answers!
So, this is my plan - I'll make supper, spend more time reading the Word, do my treadmill thing with Kev's ipod and pray in the Spirit....I think, for today this is the answer!
Shari
P.S.
Sorry girls, I know this ain’t pretty but I’m just being honest about where I’m at!
What do you do when you're weary... completely spent?
Where do you go to find rest? Do you seek adventure or look for a secluded spot to recharge your batteries?
Do you like to soak or find rest through nature?
